Oh Hello

Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Pairing: Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin

Category: slash

Rating: PG

Word Count:

Just a moment in a mission.

Table/Prompt: Inspired By the Pounce!Porn Table Prompt: Oh, hello officer…


“If it was a stakeout at least there would be someone to watch.”

“Bored already? We’ve hardly been here an hour.”

“Bored, cold and hungry.”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“I skipped lunch. How was I supposed to know we‘d be back up babysitters for the Ambassador?”

“Well, at least we didn’t have to dress up.”

“Good thing, too, our tuxes haven’t come back from the cleaners yet.”

“I think we may need new ones, considering the wear they’ve gotten this past month or two.”

“You really hate it that much?”

“I don’t hate the tux, I hate the crowds and the mindless chatter and the civilians getting in the way and making nice targets for THRUSH every time I am wearing one.”

“Fair enough. None of that tonight though, just this lovely motor pool sedan and the waiting.”

“With luck there won’t be too much more of either one.”

Napoleon checked his watch. “True that, partner, the reception should be done soon and our newest team will have made the trade off, seen the Ambassador safely to his hotel room and we can go our merry way.”

“From your lips, Napoleon, to some benevolent ear.”

Napoleon shivered.

“You really do hate the cold, don’t you?”

“Surprising, I know,” Napoleon rubbed his hands together, hoping the friction would warm his cold fingers.

Illya took the keys from the ignition and got out of the car, cool air pushing in before he shut the door again. Napoleon heard the trunk open, then shut and Illya was back.

“It’s barely Autumn, Napoleon, I thought you were more warm blooded,” Illya said when he settled again behind the wheel. “Scoot over here so you don’t freeze.” When Napoleon slid across the bench seat, Illya unfolded a blanket and wrapped it over the both of them. “There, now you’ll be toasty in no time. Standard first aid issue, in every motor pool vehicle.”

“Hooray for the home team.”


“My college roommate always carried a blanket in the trunk of his car for football games and the like. Of course, the like was usually stargazing with his girl of the moment or something similar.”

“You want to go see some football?”

“Not really, thank you.” Napoleon rubbed his hands again.

Illya took his hands and chafed them, “You have very cold hands.”

“But a very warm heart, Illya.”

“Humph,” was the only answer Illya gave, continuing to warm his partner’s hands with his own. It wasn’t long before he stopped and simply held Napoleon’s hands in his, “I know what will warm you up.”

“Hmm?” Napoleon looked up and Illya caught his mouth in a kiss, a gentle brush of lips, a hint of tongue tip tracing his partner’s lips and then leaning in to press more earnestly, coaxing Napoleon’s mouth with his. After a token resistance, lips parted and tongues explored. Illya drank in the scent and taste of Napoleon, knowing that his partner did the same of him, breathing in unison and hands gripping forearms, each wanting much more than the front seat of a car allowed room for, wanting to be home already.

A knock on the window startled them apart, Napoleon sliding over and taking the blanket with him, stuffing it in the footwell, smoothing his tie and pulling his coat together.

Illya saw that the windows were fogged over so chances were good that they hadn’t been seen, though it was clear that something was up.

He drew his gun and kept it low and out of sight as he cranked down the window a few inches.

“Problems, sir?” came a gruff voice.

“Hello, Officer. No, no problem. Work actually.” Illya took his identification card out and passed it to the officer.

“Ah, well then, I will leave you to it. Terrible night for a stakeout, too cold by far.”

“Simply back up, and we hope our services will not need to be rendered.”

“Uh huh, I hear you on that. Carry on.” The officer passed the card back and touched his fingers to his hat in parting. Illya rolled the window back up and Napoleon burst out laughing.

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